Yesterday morning Theodore “Teddy” Graham, President of General Hills dry goods division, passed away while eating breakfast. Despite his loveable name, Mr. Graham developed a bad reputation during his career. Interviews with those who worked closely with Mr. Graham revealed that he would fire workers off the plant floor for no other reason than he just didn’t like their looks. Because of his sour reputation, there is not expected to be a large audience at Mr. Graham’s funeral.
An interview with the chief medical examiner Dr. Paul Bearer revealed the details of Mr. Graham’s untimely death. “You see sir, it’s kind of ironic what happened. Mr. Graham was found lying lifeless at his breakfast table yesterday morning by his maid. The maid reported to us that Mr. Graham had been dining on a bowl of his company’s breakfast cereal ‘Alphabets’ when he died. My examination confirmed that he did indeed die with a scoop of cereal in his mouth. A detailed autopsy revealed the letters Y, O, U, R, E, F, I, R, E, and D were lodged in his throat.” Dr. Bearer concluded the interview with the following official statement: “It is my conclusion that Teddy Graham choked on his own words”.
Already in place, the new president of General Hills, political conservative Rusty Spoons has vowed to end the production of breakfast cereal at General Hills. When asked if this had anything to do with the sudden death of his predecessor Mr. Graham, the new president of General Hills dry goods division responded “I have decided to cease production of breakfast cereals here at General Hills simply because this country already has too many flakes”.
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